Spork Boards

Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk

Madaracs's Avatar Picture Madaracs – January 28, 2008 02:34PM Reply Quote
Formerly Dumb Yocks "A rabbi, a priest, and a nun walk into a bar...."

Do us your worst!

El Jeffe – October 05, 2011 05:14PM Reply Quote
What a journey.

John Willoughby – October 05, 2011 05:55PM Reply Quote
Cyberdyne Systems Customer Support
sexy, sexier, sexist

Madaracs – October 10, 2011 01:51PM Reply Quote
Ooh! Scary! Scary! Don't we look mean? You can't see me! But I can see you!
Sexorama sexorific sexercise.

John Willoughby – October 13, 2011 01:13PM Reply Quote
Cyberdyne Systems Customer Support
Tom Swifties.

"A Greek woodland deity is no more," Tom said with a deadpan expression."

John Willoughby – October 23, 2011 02:56PM Reply Quote
Cyberdyne Systems Customer Support
Mostly I spare you the rounds of Wall Street "humor" that my father and his arch-conservative friends spam me with, but some of these actually made me smile:

Upcoming Mergers:

1. Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W. R. Grace Co.
Will merge and become: Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace.

2. Polygram Records, Warner Bros., and Zesta Crackers join forces and become:
Poly, Warner Cracker.

3. 3M will merge with Goodyear and become: MMMGood.

4. Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will merge and
become: ZipAudiDoDa.

5. FedEx is expected to join its competitor, UPS, and become: FedUP.

6. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become: Fairwell

7. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become: PouponPants.

8. Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will become: Knott

El Jeffe – October 23, 2011 05:07PM Reply Quote
What a journey.

ddt – October 23, 2011 07:31PM Reply Quote
The PouponPants got me...


ARL (Moderator) – December 18, 2011 12:31AM Reply Quote
Higgs Boson walks into a Catholic Church.

Priest says 'What are you doing here?'.

Higgs replied 'You can't have Mass without me'...

John Willoughby – April 19, 2012 10:52PM Reply Quote
Cyberdyne Systems Customer Support
My wife told me this one:

"Now that Dick Clark is dead, we can't ring in a new year. Well played, Mayans, well played."

ARL (Moderator) – April 20, 2012 12:00AM Reply Quote
Ah, had to think there for a moment. Touché...

El Jeffe – April 20, 2012 06:02AM Reply Quote
What a journey.
Since we only recently had photographic evidence, perhaps DC was around during the Mayans? And his gig is finally up now, so has had to fake his own death?

John Willoughby – November 19, 2012 11:17AM Reply Quote
Cyberdyne Systems Customer Support
From George Takei's twitter:

"I hear Lincoln was shot on location. Too soon?"

porruka (Admin) – September 11, 2013 03:10PM Reply Quote
The cat has your pipe.
via Twitter:

"I'm Siri!" @Drunk_Siri
I just watched the uncut version of Scarface. It's called Face.

ARL (Moderator) – December 02, 2013 07:14PM Reply Quote

August 31
Just got transferred with work from Leeds UK to our new home in Karratha, Western Australia.
Now this is a town that knows how to live!
Beautiful, sunny days and warm, balmy evenings.
I watched the sunset from a deckchair by our pool yesterday.
It was beautiful.
I've finally found my new home.
I love it here.

September 13
Really heating up now.
It got to 31 today.
No problem though.
Living in air-conditioned home, driving air-conditioned car.
What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this.
I'm turning into a sun-worshipper - no blasted rain like back in Leeds !!

September 30
Had the back yard landscaped with tropical plants today.
Lots of palms and rocks.
No more mowing lawns for me!
Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
It's Paradise !

October 10
The temperature hasn't been below 35 all week.
How do people get used to this kind of heat?
At least today it's windy though.
Keeps the flies off a bit.
Acclimatizing is taking longer than we expected.

October 15
Fell asleep by the pool yesterday.
Got third degree burns over 60% of my body.
Missed three days off work.
What a dumb thing to do..
Got to respect the old sun in a climate like this!

October 20
- Didn't notice Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car before I left for work this morning.
By the time I got back to the car after work, Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stuck to the upholstery.
The car now smells like Whiskettes and cat shit.
I've learned my lesson though: no more pets in this heat.

October 25
- This wind is a bastard.
It feels like a giant fucking blow dryer.
And it's hot as hell!
The home air conditioner is on the blink and the repair man charged $200 just to drive over and tell me he needs to order parts from fucking Perth .....The wife & the kids are complaining.

October 30
- The temperature's up around 40 and the parts still haven't arrived for the fucking air conditioner.
House is an oven so we've all been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now.
Bloody $600,000 house and we can't even go inside.
Why the hell did I ever come here?

November 4
Finally got the fucking air-conditioner fixed. It cost $1,500 and gets the temperature down to around 25 degrees, but the humidity makes it feel about 35.
Stupid repairman.
Fucking thief.

November 8
- If one more smart bastard says 'Hot enough for you today?'
I'm going to fucking throttle him.
Fucking heat!
By the time I get to work, the car radiator is boiling over, my fucking clothes are soaking fucking wet and I smell like baked cat.
Fucking place is the end of the Earth.

November 9
- Tried to run some errands after work, wore shorts, and sat on the black leather upholstery in my car.
I thought my fucking arse was on fire.
I lost 2 layers of flesh, all the hair on the backs of my legs and off my fucking arse.
Now the car smells like burnt hair, fried arse and baked cat.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

November 10
-- The Weather report might as well be a fucking recording..
Hot and sunny.
Hot and sunny, Hot and fucking sunny.
It never fucking changes!
It's been too hot to do anything for 2 fucking months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week.

November 15
- Doesn't it ever rain in this damn fucking place?
Water restrictions will be next, so my $5,000 worth of palms might just dry up and blow into the fucking pool.
The only things that thrive in this fucking hell-hole are the fucking flies.
You don't dare open your mouth for fear of swallowing half a dozen of the little bastards!

November 20
- Welcome to HELL!
It got to 45 fuckin' degrees today.
Now the air conditioner gone in my car.
The repair man came to fix it and said, 'Hot enough for you today?'
I wanted to shove the fucking car up his fucking arse.
Anyway, had to spend the $2,500 mortgage payment to bail me out of jail for assaulting the stupid prick.
Fucking Karratha!
What kind of sick, demented fucking idiot would want to live here!

December 1
- WHAT!!!! The FIRST day of Summer!!!!
You are fucking kidding me!

porruka (Admin) – July 01, 2015 03:48PM Reply Quote
The cat has your pipe.

Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 07/01/2015 03:49PM by porruka.

Wobs – July 01, 2015 05:39PM Reply Quote
I'm offended by that joke, as I'm a WASP! I want ALL discount stores,
like WalMart & Amazon BANNED - just like some people demand
the confederate Flag Banned! As well as people who are Offended by the Confederate Flag! :-) LOL!!!

El Jeffe – July 02, 2015 01:08PM Reply Quote
What a journey.
Was in Ozarks this week.
Very, very strongly, outwardly protestant/bible/faith area. Very very outwardly anti-Obama (signs everywhere). Still plenty of stars and bars. Also plenty/mainly US flags. And about every corner, etc very very strong military/vets pride, benefits, charity, backing.
Also of note, extremely gracious drivers, no one seemed to be driving fast or aggressive, as well. Also plenty of guns and knives. Bass Pro shops owns about everything there. And it has plenty of guns and knives inside, as well.
I have never been in that area before. Very nice wait staff and such. But no good beaches or many things that allowed our dog much. The Marriott/Residence Inn, did, though. For a fee.

Oh, and Wal-Mart is HQ'd not too far from where we were. To tie it into last post. :)

John Willoughby – November 29, 2015 02:33PM Reply Quote
Cyberdyne Systems Customer Support
Developer joke:

What happens when you cast NaN bread to a long?

You get a buffet overflow.

El Jeffe – November 29, 2015 04:49PM Reply Quote
What a journey.
You've heard of nutella?

BaNAANutella - I thought would be a good snack. :)

NAAN with sliced bananas and nutella

John Willoughby – November 30, 2015 12:26AM Reply Quote
Cyberdyne Systems Customer Support

Sorry, only registered users may post in this forum.

Click here to login