Spork Boards

Spork Turrets (no Sparby Permitted - create your own thread)

El Jeffe's Avatar Picture El Jeffe – December 09, 2007 06:56AM Reply Quote
finally, back to normal

John Willoughby – August 27, 2016 05:44PM Reply Quote
Cyberdyne Systems Customer Support
Damn, I love Red Dead Redemption. That is all.

John Willoughby – September 03, 2016 09:40AM Reply Quote
Cyberdyne Systems Customer Support

John Willoughby – September 08, 2016 11:48AM Reply Quote
Cyberdyne Systems Customer Support
"If you were meant to be in the building, you would have been born there. If you were born there, you should not have left." - My credo when working security

John Willoughby – October 22, 2016 10:35AM Reply Quote
Cyberdyne Systems Customer Support
Just got abruptly cut off from a thirty minute tech support chat with "George from Amazon." I took 30 seconds to type a response (because he didn't even know what app I was talking about), and he sent:

"We have not heard from you in a while. If you would like further assistance, please select the “Click to Chat” link on the top, right-hand section of our homepage to start a new chat session. Thank you for contacting Audible and have a great day!"

I was furious about this, but I got more furious when I tried to find out if other people had complained about "George from Amazon." Using Google, DuckDuckGo, Bing or Altavista (Yahoo's re-branded Bing, these days) searching for "George from Amazon" in quotation marks invariably gave me a list of Amazon products with "George" as an author or in their description.

I could not find a way to search for the use of the phrase "George from Amazon". All I could get is a list of products to buy. Search engines have always had product placement and ads, but they've turned a corner for me when I cannot get the results that I need because the engine senses an opportunity to sell to me.

El Jeffe – October 22, 2016 02:20PM Reply Quote
What a journey.
I agree. I'd like a non-commercial pure search engine.

johnny k – October 22, 2016 04:29PM Reply Quote
You get slightly better results with:
"George from Amazon" -site:amazon.com -site:amazon.co.uk -curious

But there's still a lot of noise just because people talk about getting things "from Amazon."

John Willoughby – October 22, 2016 05:40PM Reply Quote
Cyberdyne Systems Customer Support
I didn't realize that you could subtract sites like that, and didn't know about the -curious flag at all. Thanks.

johnny k – October 22, 2016 08:54PM Reply Quote
-curious is just to subtract any Curious George hits. That was actually the first time I tried subtracting a site.

John Willoughby – October 23, 2016 09:36AM Reply Quote
Cyberdyne Systems Customer Support
Oh, heh, thought it was a fancy flag. I use '-' all the time for search terms, but for some reason I didn't take it that way reading your query.

johnny k – October 23, 2016 10:21AM Reply Quote
Yeah, you could read it as if it were a flag on a UNIX command. Nope, I don't know anything you don't. We both learned that you can subtract a site this week!

And now that we're calm, let us exit from this thread.

John Willoughby – November 22, 2016 09:26AM Reply Quote
Cyberdyne Systems Customer Support
You know, when Trump promised to “Make America Great Again,” he never said that it wasn’t the Confederate States of America he was talking about.

johnny k – November 22, 2016 09:37AM Reply Quote
Couldn't use "The South Shall Rise Again" because that might remind Floridians of their water levels.

John Willoughby – December 07, 2016 06:26AM Reply Quote
Cyberdyne Systems Customer Support
My Subaru, when the trunk is open, plays two musical notes. Or, more accurately, one note twice. The pitch and timing of the notes happen to exactly match the first two notes of the song "Young Girl" by Gary Puckett and the Union Gap. I hate that song, but every time I open my trunk it is put into my mind where it remains for hours.

The security system for my office plays a tone three times quickly when I enter in the morning. The timing of these notes, though not the pitch, exactly matches the beginning of "Louie Louie" by the Kingsmen. I don't mind this song, but it also gets planted in my mind every time that I come into the office.

I'm not an especially musical guy, so I shouldn't be vulnerable to ear-worms of this sort, but there you have it.

Young girl, get out of my mind... aye-yi-yi-yi.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/07/2016 06:27AM by John Willoughby.

johnny k – December 07, 2016 07:07AM Reply Quote
Having young kids is all about ear-worms.

John Willoughby – December 07, 2016 10:42AM Reply Quote
Cyberdyne Systems Customer Support
star-trek-ear-bug.gif

Cloudscout – December 07, 2016 02:08PM Reply Quote
Det finnes ikke dårlig vær, bare dårlige klær!
And now every time I open the trunk of my wife's car, I'm going to hear that song as well.

John Willoughby – December 07, 2016 07:54PM Reply Quote
Cyberdyne Systems Customer Support
It took me a while to figure out why the songs were in my mind. "I hate this song... so why do I keep humming it every day?"

John Willoughby – December 11, 2016 10:24AM Reply Quote
Cyberdyne Systems Customer Support
I found out how Trump is selecting his cabinet officials, here's an excerpt:



“Teaching is one thing,” Trump said, “the basic ingredient is another. We shall see.” The old eyes darted a hard glance at Reince. “Leave us. I enjoin you to practice the meditation of confrontation.”
“Reince took his hand from Rex Tillerson’s shoulder. “Mr. President, I—“
“Reince, you know it must be done.”
Rex looked at the Chief of Staff, puzzled.
Reince straightened. “Yes… of course.”
Rex looked back at the President Elect. Politeness and his sponsor’s obvious awe of this old man argued caution. Yet he felt an angry apprehension at the fear he sensed radiating from his sponsor.
“Rex….” Reince took a deep breath. “…this test you’re about to receive… it’s important to me.”
“Test?” He looked at him.
“Remember that you’re an oil executive,” Reince said. He whirled and strode from the room with an agitated gait. The door closed solidly behind him.
Rex faced the old man, holding anger in check. “Does one dismiss the Chairman of the Republican National Committee as though he was a lackey?”
A smile flickered at the corders of the wrinkled old mouth. “Chairman Reince has been my lackey, supplicant, for many months now.” He nodded. “And a good one, too. Now, you come here!”
The command whipped out at him. Rex found himself obeying before he could think about it. Using the Voice on me, he thought. He stopped at his gesture, standing beside Trump’s knees.
“See this?” Trump asked. From the folds of his robe, he lifted a small laptop computer. He turned it and Rex saw that the screen showed a browser window — blank and oddly frightening. No URL was visible.
“Hold the screen at eye level,” Trump said.
Rex looked into bird-bright eyes.
Slowly, feeling the compulsions and unable to inhibit them, Rex held the laptop in from of his face. He felt first a sense of cold as his field of vision was reduced to the laptop screen, then the weight of the laptop in his hands, and a slight dizziness as he focused more closely on the screen.
A predatory look filled the Trump’s features. He lifted his right hand from his side and poised the hand close to the side of Rex’s neck. He saw the glint of metal there and started to turn toward it.
“Stop!” Trump snapped.
Using the Voice again! He swung his attention back to Trump’s face.
“I hold at your neck the gom jabbar,” he said. “The gom jabbar, the high-handed enemy. It’s a needle with a drop of poison on its tip. Ah-ah! Don’t pull away or you’ll feel that poison.”
Rex tried to swallow in a dry throat. He could not take his attention from the seamed old face, the absurd hair, the glistening eyes, the pale gums around yellowing teeth that flashed as he spoke.
“An oil executive must know about poisons,” Trump said. “It’s the way of business, eh? Hydrogen sulfide from drilling, nitrous oxides from the power plants. The quick ones and the slow ones and the ones in between. Here’s a new one for you: the gom jabbar. It only kills liberals.”
Pride overcame Rex’s fear. “You dare suggest an oil executive is a liberal?” he demanded.
“Let us say I suggest you may be a Trump follower,” he said. “Steady! I warn you not to try jerking away. I am old, but my hand can drive this needle into your neck before you escape me.”
“How can you do this?” Rex whispered. “How did you trick Reince into leaving me alone with you? Are you from the Green Party?”
“The Green Party? Bless us, no! Now, be silent.” A dry finger touched his neck and he stilled an involuntary urge to leap away.
“Good,” Trump said. “You pass the first test. Now, here’s the way of the rest of it: If you look away from the laptop screen you die. This is the only rule. Keep your eyes on the screen and live. Look away and die.”
Rex too a deep breath to still his trembling. “If I call out my bodyguard will be on you in seconds and you’ll die.”
“Your protector will not pass Reince who stands guard outside that door. Depend on it. The RNC chairman survived this test. Now it’s your turn. Be honored. We seldom administer this to non-politicians.”
Curiosity reduced Rex’s fear to a manageable level. He heard truth in the old man’s voice, no denying it. If Reince stood guard out there… if this were truly a test… And whatever it was, he knew himself caught in it, trapped by that hand at his neck: the gom jabbar. He recalled the response from the Litany against Reason as Reince had taught him out of the Republican rite.
“I must not reason. Reason is the platform-killer. Reason is the little-thought that brings total total rationality. I will deny reason. I will permit facts to pass over me and through me. And when they have gone past I will turn the inner eye to see their path. Where reason has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”
He felt calmness return, said: “Get on with it, old man!”
“Old man!” Trump snapped. “You’ve got courage and that can’t be denied. Well, we shall see, sir.” He bent close, lowered his voice almost to a whisper. “You will feel pain, watching the laptop. Pain. But! Glance away and I’ll touch your neck with the gom jabbar — the death so swift it’s like a bullet to the brain. Look away and the gom jabbar takes you. Understand?”
“What’s on the screen?”
“Bigly pain.”
The laptop screen displayed the sentence, “Obama was born in Kenya.” Rex pressed his lips together. How could this be a test? he wondered. He felt a mild headache beginning.
Trump said: “You’ve heard of liberals checking sources to verify an outrageous headline? There’s a liberal kind of trick. A Trump follower would accept the headline and read the story, swallow the lie, and spread the fervor to others of his kind.”
The laptop screen now read, “Obama is a secret Muslim.”
“Why are you doing this?” Rex demanded.
“To determine if you are a Trump follower. Be silent.”
Rex furrowed his brow as his headache intensified. It mounted slowly. “Hillary Clinton beat Bill up on Election Night.” “ISIS Leader calls on voters to support Hillary.”
“It hurts,” he whispered.
“Silence!”
Pain throbbed in his head. “FBI agent suspected in Hillary email leaks found dead in apparent murder-suicide.” “Five million uncounted Sanders ballots found on Clinton’s email server.”
Pain pierced his skull. Sweat stood out on his forehead. Every fiber cried out to turn his head from the ridiculous nonsense on the screen… but… the gom jabbar. In his peripheral vision he tried to see that terrible needle poised beside his neck. Rex sensed that he was breathing in gasps, tried to slow his breaths and couldn’t.
Pain!
His world emptied of everything except that the agony in his head, the ancient face with the ludicrous hair inches way staring at him.
“Millions of illegal voters steal popular vote from Trump.”
His lips were so dry he had difficulty separating them.
“Hillary Clinton and campaign manager running a child sex ring out of basement of pizzeria.”
The agony! The agony!
He thought he could feel his eyes bleeding, melting, running down his cheeks.
It stopped!
The laptop was turned off, the pain stopped immediately.
Rex was trembling, felt sweat bathing his body.
“Enough,” Trump muttered. “Son of a bitch! No politician ever withstood that much bullshit. I must have wanted you to fail.” He leaned back, withdrawing the gom jabbar from the side of his neck.
“How’s Secretary of State grab you, Trump follower?”

ARL (Moderator) – December 11, 2016 06:24PM Reply Quote
I whinge therefore I am!
Gom Jabbar.

Beautiful.

John Willoughby – December 12, 2016 06:07AM Reply Quote
Cyberdyne Systems Customer Support
Aargh. Posted in a hurry and didn't notice that it pulled out all of the formatting. Sorry about that.

Sorry, only registered users may post in this forum.

Click here to login