Love Stinks!

yeh me to, you know?

Ooo I was afraid that was the transition. Hope that the trail to the outcome is as short and painless as possible.

Really sorry, Baha. What Dave said.

oh man, baha. sorry. hope it all hashes out, with soft landings.

ddt

So sorry, Baha.

Wow, sorry to hear that Baha. Hope you work it out with the least amount of pain.

dido

sadly it's probably best for everyone involved. argh.

Still sucks.

hang in there.

Same number of kids here, but 10 years less.

Life is pretty god damned complicated. That is not an explanation, it is a fact. My wife works full time and sometimes hates it and me for not making the kind of dough that we'd need to be a single earner household, and sometimes herself for not having made the career choices that would have already given the ability to have f-y money in the bank. I've been thisclose to having very different career but I have no regrets. Lord knows I'm not perfect. Mrs. Adams certainly lets me know that too. We've been married 13 years, have two kids and things could be much worse.

Hope to hell it works out for you.

SA - similarly observed here as well.

not very many people are able to be single bread winers if you look at statistics. but some do live off less.

how much is enough? what's that "magic" number? i know we're comfortable with two salaries.

I have been for 12 years. But now my wife is working part time JUST IN CASE I lose my job. The house is now a toxic wasteland. Nothing is getting done.

We were a single income family before moving up to being a no income family. But this was at the expense of savings and investments, and the idea has always been that this is a temporary state until both of the kids are full-time in school. Once we get two incomes we should actually be able to make ends meet. It's funny, my wife has glamorized what it is to be working, and really wants to. I think that she will find it rather unpleasant once she actually re-enters the marketplace.

you know, I would tend to agree. BUT....I'm too much a pessimist with this stuff.
I think if one could find the right gig, it might just work. But, so far, I in in way think it exists for me.

They let another high-exec, and also a director go, with rumors of another director (vp?) being asked to leave at my place today.

Pretty soon, it will be 300 people in one room, with a stack of stuff to do. No managers. we'll see.

I predict I have 90 days.

I will miss your posts baha, but its best to get your life in order rather than post here. Hopefully any divorce will not be acrimonious, and you and your spouse may come to some sort of understanding to keep things civil, if not actual reconciliation.

>not very many people are able to be single bread winers if you look at statistics.

Having done the math for child care etc, I think I'm going to need to go back to work soon when the kid pops (unless I can guilt trip family relatives to babysit for 2-3 yrs free). And I don't think I'm poor...

Oh, and sorry to hear about your troubles, Baha.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/06/2008 09:18PM by Tony Leggett.

Good luck Bill.

I'm living off one income, but it ain't fun.

Thanks all. Thank god I make enough $$$,$$$ that I can pay for my housing, housing for her and the kids, enough to keep her happy on (when she isn't really going to have a job), me alive on, one kid in preschool and so on. We've gone over how much I work in these forums, which is insane. Since I have to up the ante with my income to make this work, bizarrely enough I can ONLY do that by leaving. But that's not the reason I'm leaving, the reason is simply that we've tried to keep this together way longer than we should have. We can't communicate and we don't relate on too many levels. I'll leave judgements of her aside, but I'll be the first to say I'm not the right person for her by any means. She's a great woman, deserves a lot more.

We shouldn't have had kids together, but we did. We both thought it would help and with her biological clock running out it seemed like the thing to do. But it didn't and I'm not sure it was. Things have been steadily coming to a head ever since (not that there weren't problems for years). We're both turning into various aspects of our parents and even though neither parental unit was divorced, in all honesty, they should have been. I would've been better off in a family that wasn't psychologically abusive because my parents hated each other. I don't ever want either my wife or myself to tell my kids that they should never be in a marriage like the one we're in (my parents both said that to me, separately). We need out, it's as simple as that. Sad, but true. Not everything lasts forever, as we've come to learn recently.We were really young when we started. Yeah, we could keep going for another twenty years like this and get the kids through school, but by then we'd be 60. What's the point? Might as well just take out a large life insurance policy and step in front of the 9.24 train in that case.

And so it goes. I'm not going to pretend I'm a good person, or that I have all the answers. You all know me well enough for that. But I think maybe just maybe we can both find some way to see happiness for ourselves at the end of all this. I doubt the divorce will be a bad one. We both still care about each other enough to not fuck things up for good. I'll always love her, but I haven't been in love with her for five years, at least. She says the same. We aren't that old, we can still pull our shit together somehow. It's that or the train. To paraphrase, this isn't fun.

baha, you're showing an amazing amount of self-knowledge, perspective and wisdom. wish i'd been able to up my game to that level.

best of luck. you're doing all the right things. won't be easy but it'll be all right.

ddt