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johnny k
To play devil's advocate: Stranger to you. Of course your ex will be pissed because you're calling her judgement into question.
Oh, without a doubt. And I'm *absolutely* calling her judgement into question. She very much has a "it takes a village" mindset in regard to raising children, and there's nothing wrong with that providing you do some cursory checks of the random villagers bona fides. My ex is just happy to dump my daughter off with anyone, so I don't think that's a high priority.
Last year my daughter was left in the care of a
new-age cult for a short period of time and ended up with a gut parasite that she likely caught from extended contact walking barefoot around ashrams with poor sanitation. So it's safe to say I don't completely trust my ex's judgement.
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johnny k
Is there anyone else you trust to vouch for this person? Any of your ex's family, say? Or ask her to provide more background on this person, or meet with him yourself. This is assuming that would change your mind.
Once upon a time I would have said my ex's mother (she's more level-headed), but contact has been kept to a bare minimum.
I would definitely want to know this person's life story (and also see a police check or something similar) but in the past my ex has gotten very defensive about any questions and simply expects me to trust her based on blind faith. To this day I still don't know the precise nature of my daughter's living arrangements other than she seems to stay at multiple houses any given week. What little information I do glean is from what my daughter (who is prone to flights of embellishment) tells me.
My daughter has a baby half-brother but they don't live together with the new partner (who is also in a wheelchair) & his kids, but they do stay-over some of the time. I'm unsure if the new partner is the biological father (my daughter says not, but she does embellish) but my attempts to verify the current arrangements simply to be satisfied about my daughter's welfare (again, some of the stories my daughter tells...) get the cone of silence.
Based on past history, the "cone of silence", and a lack of trust on both sides, I erred on the side of caution.
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johnny k
I can't quite put myself in your shoes. I'd let my 8 year old (hey, she turned 3 today!) take such a trip if they weren't strangers to my wife, or to any of our immediate relatives, and I'd met them.
Two weeks ago, I didn't know this guy existed. My daughter had previously mentioned his son as they sometimes play minecraft together. He's apparently a single parent (no judgement there) with two kids and they live in a caravan (according to my daughter). My ex texted me a fortnight ago that this guy would be collecting my daughter from the city (we were at a museum). A few days later I get an email about the proposed trip, and aside from that brief chance meeting, the only other details I have are his first name. Does that count as "meeting" them?
Oh and the other thing not addressed is my daughter's ASD. Her diagnosis is serious enough that she needs one-on-one assistance at school but it's not even on the radar when it comes to things like this.
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JW
You may be cast as the "bad guy," if you withhold permission. When eight-year-olds want things, they WANT them. Depends on how your ex set expectations.
Oh absolutely. The next time I spoke to my daughter I got the "Mum said you said no to the trip" speech.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/11/2017 09:36PM by ARL.
