Spork Boards
Hot Spork Chat : Join us in an AIM chat room!

small, furry, loud, dangerous

bahamut's Avatar Picture bahamut – November 15, 2008 04:46AM Reply Quote
a thread about our spawn.

El Jeffe – June 01, 2017 08:03AM Reply Quote
What a journey.
My ideal movie is about anything POOH. I love the absence of peril.
I never liked introducing the concept of peril to my innocent children.
Pooh embodied the closest thing to childhood dreaminess.
Not the Disney POOH ride, though. IIRC it had peril.

John Willoughby – June 01, 2017 09:11AM Reply Quote
England expects that every man will do his duty. Ha-ha!





Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/01/2017 09:13AM by John Willoughby.

ARL (Moderator) – June 01, 2017 03:38PM Reply Quote
I whinge therefore I am!
See, Eeyore was right to be glum...

El Jeffe – June 02, 2017 04:23AM Reply Quote
What a journey.
Kathy "pooh" griffin?

El Jeffe – June 22, 2017 08:30AM Reply Quote
What a journey.
Dad, can I have your credit card for ______ and _____ ?
other times of day

F YOU Dad and your bullshit...
You never gave a damn about me...

Good two hours to spend after having worked overnight, and on my anniversary. :(
Struggle... what a pain... sigh.

John Willoughby – June 22, 2017 10:50AM Reply Quote
England expects that every man will do his duty. Ha-ha!
Sorry, El Jeffe. I won't claim to know what you're feeling, but I think that most parents of older children have been in that position. Not fun.

ARL (Moderator) – September 10, 2017 07:35PM Reply Quote
I whinge therefore I am!
Hypothetical conundrum for your consideration:

I received a request from my ex to give permission for my daughter to travel overseas to Canada & US for a 15 day trip. This is not with her mother or some other relative, but a friend of the family who had invited my daughter along. I've met this friend of the family once for about 5-10 minutes and my daughter & his son apparently get on reasonably well.

I replied saying I didn't think it was a great idea for someone so young (she's not yet 9) to travel overseas without a close relative and that was quite a lot of responsibility to place on a relative stranger. I don't know who would be paying for the tickets etc (I'm not sure if that was going to be the next request in the follow-up email) but I don't really know this person from a bar of soap. If my daughter was a bit older (say 12+) going on a school arranged student exchange I might consider that but I felt age 8 was too young to travel overseas without family.

My 'veto' in this matter has of course not gone down well.

I'm not crazy for thinking such a travel arrangement unsuitable, am I? Would anyone here send one of their kids overseas with strangers (non-relatives, I mean) at age 8?

El Jeffe – September 11, 2017 12:02AM Reply Quote
What a journey.
My daughter went to Europe twice without us. As always, I had my concerns. I think they were good experiences for her.
A device nowadays with good internet access (find friends) and such might help.

ARL (Moderator) – September 11, 2017 04:11AM Reply Quote
I whinge therefore I am!
At age 8?

johnny k – September 11, 2017 07:10AM Reply Quote
To play devil's advocate: Stranger to you. Of course your ex will be pissed because you're calling her judgement into question. Is there anyone else you trust to vouch for this person? Any of your ex's family, say? Or ask her to provide more background on this person, or meet with him yourself. This is assuming that would change your mind.

I can't quite put myself in your shoes. I'd let my 8 year old (hey, she turned 3 today!) take such a trip if they weren't strangers to my wife, or to any of our immediate relatives, and I'd met them.

John Willoughby – September 11, 2017 07:46AM Reply Quote
England expects that every man will do his duty. Ha-ha!
I'd think that eight years old is too young to travel even with a good friend of the family, if it involves fifteen days of absence and two flights between Australia and North America. IMHO.

You may be cast as the "bad guy," if you withhold permission. When eight-year-olds want things, they WANT them. Depends on how your ex set expectations.

Mokers (Moderator) – September 11, 2017 09:41AM Reply Quote
Formerly Remy Martin
This is really tough. I think I would ask how often your daughter has spent overnight at this friend's house? Any friend's houses? I could see saying yes if your daughter had regular overnights, but there are just too many variables in play if the first time she has spent an overnight with this family is an 12-18 hour flight away.

El Jeffe – September 11, 2017 05:53PM Reply Quote
What a journey.
8 is quite young.

ARL (Moderator) – September 11, 2017 06:16PM Reply Quote
I whinge therefore I am!
Quote
johnny k
To play devil's advocate: Stranger to you. Of course your ex will be pissed because you're calling her judgement into question.

Oh, without a doubt. And I'm *absolutely* calling her judgement into question. She very much has a "it takes a village" mindset in regard to raising children, and there's nothing wrong with that providing you do some cursory checks of the random villagers bona fides. My ex is just happy to dump my daughter off with anyone, so I don't think that's a high priority.

Last year my daughter was left in the care of a new-age cult for a short period of time and ended up with a gut parasite that she likely caught from extended contact walking barefoot around ashrams with poor sanitation. So it's safe to say I don't completely trust my ex's judgement.

Quote
johnny k
Is there anyone else you trust to vouch for this person? Any of your ex's family, say? Or ask her to provide more background on this person, or meet with him yourself. This is assuming that would change your mind.

Once upon a time I would have said my ex's mother (she's more level-headed), but contact has been kept to a bare minimum.

I would definitely want to know this person's life story (and also see a police check or something similar) but in the past my ex has gotten very defensive about any questions and simply expects me to trust her based on blind faith. To this day I still don't know the precise nature of my daughter's living arrangements other than she seems to stay at multiple houses any given week. What little information I do glean is from what my daughter (who is prone to flights of embellishment) tells me.

My daughter has a baby half-brother but they don't live together with the new partner (who is also in a wheelchair) & his kids, but they do stay-over some of the time. I'm unsure if the new partner is the biological father (my daughter says not, but she does embellish) but my attempts to verify the current arrangements simply to be satisfied about my daughter's welfare (again, some of the stories my daughter tells...) get the cone of silence.

Based on past history, the "cone of silence", and a lack of trust on both sides, I erred on the side of caution.

Quote
johnny k
I can't quite put myself in your shoes. I'd let my 8 year old (hey, she turned 3 today!) take such a trip if they weren't strangers to my wife, or to any of our immediate relatives, and I'd met them.

Two weeks ago, I didn't know this guy existed. My daughter had previously mentioned his son as they sometimes play minecraft together. He's apparently a single parent (no judgement there) with two kids and they live in a caravan (according to my daughter). My ex texted me a fortnight ago that this guy would be collecting my daughter from the city (we were at a museum). A few days later I get an email about the proposed trip, and aside from that brief chance meeting, the only other details I have are his first name. Does that count as "meeting" them?

Oh and the other thing not addressed is my daughter's ASD. Her diagnosis is serious enough that she needs one-on-one assistance at school but it's not even on the radar when it comes to things like this.

Quote
JW
You may be cast as the "bad guy," if you withhold permission. When eight-year-olds want things, they WANT them. Depends on how your ex set expectations.

Oh absolutely. The next time I spoke to my daughter I got the "Mum said you said no to the trip" speech.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/11/2017 09:36PM by ARL.

ARL (Moderator) – September 11, 2017 06:53PM Reply Quote
I whinge therefore I am!
Quote
jk
(hey, she turned 3 today!)

Happy birthday to daughter-of-jk!

johnny k – September 11, 2017 07:29PM Reply Quote
Thanks, Mini's a red-headed ball (matchstick?) of joy even at 3. We'll see at 8. :)

Sorry I made you explain all that, but yeah, I'm 100% with you. I'm the less restrictive parent but that works better with checks and balances. Guess that's your job here.

My mother-in-law ran a background check on me when I started dating her daughter, and that's even though our mothers have known each other for twenty years.

El Jeffe – September 12, 2017 03:00AM Reply Quote
What a journey.
all your points are well made and taken, TL. As an outsider, I can't reasonably offer you much, but say hope it improves. It's admirable/great that you care enough as you obviously do. I often find myself in panic-attacks hoping my childrens' lives are safe, fulfilling, without peril. Even this morning.

Sorry, only registered users may post in this forum.

Click here to login