Spork Boards

small, furry, loud, dangerous

bahamut's Avatar Picture bahamut – November 15, 2008 04:46AM Reply Quote
a thread about our spawn.

Jeff Cooper – January 29, 2010 03:39AM Reply Quote
On another note: my five-year-old was mad at me when I got back to the house last night. Usually she runs over and hugs me when I come through the door, but this time she wouldn't talk to me; she just crossed her arms and pouted. This continued after K left the house for the evening, leaving me alone with the kids. So I sat on the stairs for a couple of minutes and talked to Noah, who was upstairs. As I was talking, Samantha walked over, curled up in my lap, rested her head against my chest, and said, "I don't love you."

Kids are amazing creatures.

ARL (Moderator) – January 29, 2010 01:18PM Reply Quote
I whinge therefore I am!
All I know is I am not coping and it doesn't help that my partner ignores all the suggestions I make (fair enough to ignore most - as they mostly are stupid).

This morning my daughter was screaming and pulling at her mother's top (ie "I want to feed") she'd already been breastfed quite a bit - so s.o. said no and thus a tantrum ensued. I suggested "maybe she wants her wheat-bix" and s.o. said "no, you've got to get up first". So rather than giving her cereal right then (and to be fair she quite often doesn't touch it when offered) we went through 20 minutes of the witchking of angmar howling in our bedroom while I got up into my chair.

We then gave her the cereal and she promptly ate a double helping and she was (temporarily) happy.

Grrr! Feeling very frustrated with the "family unit". It's 9am here and while I have relaxed standards to most about drinking (hey it's 5pm somewhere in the world) that's too early for me but boy am I tempted.



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 10/22/2014 10:51PM by ARL.

Alan Lehman – January 29, 2010 03:31PM Reply Quote
Tony,

I am now (almost) completely immune to the cry of a child. My last plane flight put me in proximity to several screaming kids and unlike the non-parents around me, I was unfazed and almost to the point of not noticing. I don't know exactly when the immunity happened but it did. I'm not trying to pass judgement on anybody but I want to point out that K crys, in part, because it works i.e. she gets what she wants right away. The more she learns that crying isn't effective the less she'll do it. Case in point, my daughter used to wake up at night and howl until we came and got her and brought her to bed with us (this was back around the age of 1.5ish). We gave in for a long time but one night (around the age of 2-something) my SO and I agreed that that night we were going to ignore her. It was three consecutive nights of of hell while my daughter howled herself back to sleep (2 hours at a time) but eventually she came to the conclusion that it was better to go back to sleep than to howl for hours. After that, she only really cried when there was a real problem (and we were appropriately attentive). Sure she'd wake up and fuss for a minute here and there but that was mostly the end of the howling.

This sounds like a stupid thing to say but here it goes: K isn't a baby any more. She's actually a small child with poor verbal skills but with excellent people skills. Doubt me? Think about how well she has you trained right now. She isn't fragile any more (as you well know from listening to her). She doesn't need to be catered to every instant of the day. She assuredly wants the catering and she cries because crying helps her get it. By stalling, your SO is teaching K that she isn't going to get everything that she wants on K's schedule. She will assuredly get everything that she needs but it'll be on your schedule. At least that's my interpretation from thousands of miles away.

You have to step back and realize that when K cries it indicates a want but not a need. It's a form of manipulation more-so than a cry for help. Maybe the recognition that you're being manipulated is the first step to immunity.

Sit back and watch her cry sometime. And I mean really let her go. She won't be crying because she's in desperate need, she'll end up being howling mad because you've caught on to her ploy. Of course, eventually, you've got to feed her but it's not like she's going to break in the meantime.

Enjoy.

P.S. It gets easier in the not too distant future. If you think about it, it probably is already easier.

John Willoughby – January 29, 2010 10:52PM Reply Quote
Save us, Lord, from the furries of the Norsemen!
I agree with Alan. But I never, ever developed an immunity to a screaming kid. Hell, even when they're screaming because they're happy, it drives me nuts. I never knew that I was noise sensitive until I had kids. My wife can sit through one of them crying into each ear and not even notice that they're there. I don't know how she does it.

El Jeffe – January 30, 2010 03:06AM Reply Quote
What a journey.

Alan Lehman – January 30, 2010 06:05AM Reply Quote
Quote
John Willoughby
I agree with Alan. But I never, ever developed an immunity to a screaming kid.

Wow, my sincerest condolences. How's your strangle reflex? Mine is pretty much in check but I find that the local pre-tweens are testing it more and more. I'm going to have to work on more effective suppression strategies in the not too distant future.

El Jeffe – January 30, 2010 06:20AM Reply Quote
What a journey.
I can block out screaming kids
I have learned to not be bothered by needles (except a FEW where they DIG around)
I have learned to get choked (food in food tube) and not be bothered. (NOT food in air tube)

I learned to vomit at will, until they took my stomach and moved it.
I learned to get dental fillings work done with no numbing. (In past few months had crown on one tooth, then infection in another, with subsequent root canals. Next week the new crown for that tooth and this week they found another cavity so new filling) I was forced to get numbed for the recent crown and root canals; at my displeasure.

My mind has learned to work with my right eye's blindspot from retinal disease.
My mind has learned to work with my left ear's near-total hearing loss.

But for the life of me I can't get used to the nausea that my eating often brings me now. You'd think I would get used to it.

ARL (Moderator) – January 30, 2010 04:16PM Reply Quote
I whinge therefore I am!
Quote
Alan Lehman
Tony,

I am now (almost) completely immune to the cry of a child. My last plane flight put me in proximity to several screaming kids and unlike the non-parents around me, I was unfazed and almost to the point of not noticing. I don't know exactly when the immunity happened but it did. I'm not trying to pass judgement on anybody but I want to point out that K crys, in part, because it works i.e. she gets what she wants right away. The more she learns that crying isn't effective the less she'll do it. Case in point, my daughter used to wake up at night and howl until we came and got her and brought her to bed with us (this was back around the age of 1.5ish). We gave in for a long time but one night (around the age of 2-something) my SO and I agreed that that night we were going to ignore her. It was three consecutive nights of of hell while my daughter howled herself back to sleep (2 hours at a time) but eventually she came to the conclusion that it was better to go back to sleep than to howl for hours. After that, she only really cried when there was a real problem (and we were appropriately attentive). Sure she'd wake up and fuss for a minute here and there but that was mostly the end of the howling.

We did this too though at 6 months. Keira no longer co-sleeps and does sleep the night through (just has a habit of waking at 5am sometimes). She screamed blue murder for a week or two but she got over it.

Quote

This sounds like a stupid thing to say but here it goes: K isn't a baby any more. She's actually a small child with poor verbal skills but with excellent people skills. Doubt me? Think about how well she has you trained right now. She isn't fragile any more (as you well know from listening to her). She doesn't need to be catered to every instant of the day. She assuredly wants the catering and she cries because crying helps her get it. By stalling, your SO is teaching K that she isn't going to get everything that she wants on K's schedule. She will assuredly get everything that she needs but it'll be on your schedule. At least that's my interpretation from thousands of miles away.

You have to step back and realize that when K cries it indicates a want but not a need. It's a form of manipulation more-so than a cry for help. Maybe the recognition that you're being manipulated is the first step to immunity.

I agree with this to a point (very good point about small child with poor verbal skills). At this age, a lot of the time tantrums aren't deliberate attempts at manipulation but just a boiling over of emotions they don't know how to deal with. Yes, as she gets older they could become more manipulative if we run every time she screams. But with a one-year-old you can't teach them patience, they "want-it-right-now" and are not going to learn any lesson from being left to wait aside from feeling frustrated and confused. In the example I mentioned it was a reasonable guess to assume Keira was hungry (we'd had our breakfast) and it would have taken a couple of minutes to feed her (and I really wouldn't have minded having to wait a few minutes). Instead Keira was howling around the bed and wheelchair and getting in the road as I was trying to get up and all three of us were tetchy and at each others throats. Keira learns nothing from that except a negative feedback loop of stress & tension.

Quote

Sit back and watch her cry sometime. And I mean really let her go. She won't be crying because she's in desperate need, she'll end up being howling mad because you've caught on to her ploy. Of course, eventually, you've got to feed her but it's not like she's going to break in the meantime.

I agree with this but it's all in due course and a case of picking your battles. We can't go running every time but there are occasions when sorting Keira out first just means less stress.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/30/2010 04:20PM by Tony Leggett.

Alan Lehman – January 30, 2010 06:13PM Reply Quote
I hear you. Being on the front lines you are the definitive source for the official particulars in this case. Also, I had forgotten about the overflow of emotions and not being able to express them verbally. They get expressed as moodiness these days which is frustrating for different reasons -- mostly because she could actually explain them verbally but now chooses not to.

ARL (Moderator) – January 30, 2010 07:16PM Reply Quote
I whinge therefore I am!
There's a lot of days I could explain my emotions verbally but choose not to, so I won't pass judgement :-)

God, I'm so tired, stiff & sore & have a splitting headache. The nazgul is quiet for the moment however...

bahamut – January 30, 2010 09:19PM Reply Quote
My daughter never slept in a crib. Not once. She wouldn't have any of it. 6 hours of wailing like she was being slaughtered. We gave in, we needed to sleep. She clearly didn't.
All the books. All the advice. All failed.
I took the rail off her crib to make it a bed, eventually she'd nod off with mom lying down next to her. Later, little by little we convinced her she could do it on her own. By that time she was 2.5 and our son was born.
On the other hand, he screamed for 40 minutes the first night by himself in his crib. And that was that.
Kids.

A friend's daughter once asked her "Mommy do you give me benadryl for my allergies or to make me sleepy?"



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/30/2010 09:20PM by bahamut.

tliet – January 31, 2010 12:46AM Reply Quote
Currently I'm following a training together with my girlfriend how to handle her 19 yo daughter who is probably suffering from borderline personality disorder. Imagine a 19 year old, 1.80 meter high with the emotional development of a 3 year old.

The psychologist said that it doesn't really matter how one reacts to a child, as long as the response is consistent. Eventually, the child will cave and the (mis) behaviour will die out. But boy, I'm glad I didn't get any children as I'm just not prepared for these battles.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 01/31/2010 12:47AM by tliet.

ARL (Moderator) – January 31, 2010 02:04PM Reply Quote
I whinge therefore I am!
Quote

A friend's daughter once asked her "Mommy do you give me benadryl for my allergies or to make me sleepy?"

ROTFL! That's priceless!

In australia there's a medication called Phenyrgan for children's "allergies" that has the "may cause drowsiness" side effect. I was in the pharmacy once with a new mother asking for it and telling this elaborate story of how bad her child's allergies were - I just quietly giggled.

I think Baha's little story demonstrates how each kid is so different. K slept in 'til 6am this morning so I'm in a much better mood. It's amazing how 45 minutes makes such a difference...

El Jeffe – January 31, 2010 06:37PM Reply Quote
What a journey.
I have tons of promethazine on me at all times. That is the name of Phenergan.

Do not take or give that to anyone willy nilly. I have read the warnings.

I asked some new docs/staff at my last procedure and they said their hospital won't give it any longer. It was eating blood vessels up.

But I took some just two nights ago. It's that or some other cancer/anti-nausea crap that does nothing for me.

Bottom line is, be careful with the stuff.

El Jeffe – January 31, 2010 06:43PM Reply Quote
What a journey.
I can't read these technical medical papers, but the title seems in-line with what the docs told me.

http://www.fox24.com/healthy/47533517.html

Kills blood vessels. Well, sometimes, in some people. Still scary enough.

ARL (Moderator) – January 31, 2010 08:30PM Reply Quote
I whinge therefore I am!
We don't have, or have ever used Phenergan.

YDD – February 02, 2010 03:46AM Reply Quote
My little one has taken to attempting to climb out of her crib. We've already caught her sitting astride the rail on a few occasions. Does anyone who's gone through this phase have any suggestions? I'm leaning towards barbed wire, and watch towers at the crib corners, but I'm not sure this will be sufficient.

Jeff Cooper – February 02, 2010 04:10AM Reply Quote
Yikes! Sounds like you need a retractable roof on that thing.

My daughter's displeasure with me continues. Last night: "I'm not going to kiss you. No kisses for you!"

One of those things that sound really cute coming from a five-year-old.

El Jeffe – February 02, 2010 05:24AM Reply Quote
What a journey.
Of three kids, we only had one instance of anyone climbing out of the crib.
Heard a loud THUD one night and that was the end of those attempts. Something about knocking the wind out of you makes you think twice about it.

YDD – February 03, 2010 03:50AM Reply Quote
From xkcd:

Sorry, only registered users may post in this forum.

Click here to login